Tremendous Blondette

You know what, 29 is not old. Thirty is not old. So why the eff am I acting like it is? I set goals based on the fear of the number. I just restarted Weight Watchers because I wanted to get control over my body again and not be fat on my 30th birthday (which is just over 365 days away.)

I’ve been acting like an old lady. Come home, eat dinner, internet, TV, work, internet, bed. EVERY DAY. You see I have issues with limits and moderation. It’s all or nothing. I also require a level of aloneness and unstructured time. But how does being anti-social help me reach my goals and live a fulfilling life? IT DOESN’T.

My 80 year grandmother has a more interesting love life than I do. (and no cats)

So, this year I must push myself to “say yes” and get the f’ out of the house, even if it is a school night. Maybe then I’ll have something to talk about other than work or that cute thing my cat did the other day.

In the Year 2000…men around the world will suddenly stop what they’re doing, break into a knowing smile, nod slowly, and hug themselves with an appreciative rush that they were created as men. The severe appreciation will propel them to new research to alleviate the suffering of women everywhere and on January 15th, 2010 a breakthrough will be achieved. They’ll disrupt the space time continuum, launching back to that day in the Year 2000, taking the knowledge with them, and reducing suffering of women worldwide and thus, women everywhere will suddenly stop what they’re doing, break into a knowing smile, nod slowly, and hug themselves with an appreciate rush that men now bear all children.

* Facebook wouldn’t let me post this as my status update because it was too long

I have a nemisis. It is the giant snow plowed mound of snow to the left (or right) of my driveway. In fact, I hate the plow mounds everywhere. Somehow, I ended up with the largest plow mound on the block.

Tonight’s idea was so exciting that I can’t sleep until I share it with you. (really, I got out of my toasty bed and am now sitting on the floor in my guest room by the window where I can feel the cold seeping though)

Yes, I have a plan to repurpose my mound and yours! All mounds be gone! We are going to get bull dozers (or whatever those big scoopy trucks are) and dump trucks and haul the snow away to a field. In that field we shall create the largest snowman ever. Or an igloo. Or an ice cream shoppe.Or an entire city.

I think it’s a practical approach to Kansas City’s snow removal problem. “We built this city…we built this city on snow snow snow!!!”

What would someone learn about you from your trash? Investigators use trash analysis not just for evidence, but to figure out who someone is. (Or is that just something I saw on TV?)

You can learn a lot about someone based on their rubbage (yay thesaurus!) Assume you know nothing about me- not my gender, my name, age, income level, whether or not I have pets, etc.

So, here’s what’s in my trash today:

• Lean Pockets Box
• Weight Watchers Dessert Boxes
• Sweet Potato Chips empty bag
• Gluten Free Cheese Puff empty bag
• Moldy Coffee Grounds and filter
• Empty Sugar-Free Cherry Cola Box (Jones makes sugar-free!)
• Empty Sparkling Water Box (I enjoy Lemon, Lime, and Berry flavors)
• Assorted Mail Marketing Pieces (Direct Mail) aka “Junk Mail”
• Used tissues
• Sourdough Bread Bag (with one last slice- slightly moldy)
• Kashi TLC Fruit and Grain Bar empty box or two
• Empty Burrito Bols from Chipotle (x 3 or so)
• Chipotle Brown Bags
• Chipotle Cup (large)
• Empty Purina Complete Cat Chow bag
• Empty pasta box
• Empty can of black olives
• Empty can of corn
• Empty “Parma Rosa” sauce packet

Accessory trash includes used cat litter!

So, who am I?

Take the next step, does your trash reflect who you want to be?

I’ve been doing a lot of driving between Kansas City and Springfield lately in preparation for my brother’s wedding. This evening as I was making excellent time (do you like how I threw that in there?), I found myself thinking about all of the people that connect my brother, my future sister-in-law, and me together. AND how the people who connect us, also connect to others in our lives.

The circle of people with whom you are connected and don’t know. I think of all the people I’ve met through my friends. People I’ve talked to for one night, or people who in turn became my friend. It reminds me a bit of the levels of connection on LinkedIn.com. You are connected to someone in the 3rd degree through your boss or through a vendor. They can introduce you and you can either become connected, or you can remain peripheral.

I am still in awe of the fact that there exist other people with whom I may never be acquainted.

During the drive  home tonight, there was a guy behind me in a Jeep. He had Nebraska plates, sunglasses with silver stems, and he was on the phone. Like me, he was driving down the same stretch of highway, on his way somewhere. Maybe a wife was waiting. He’s lived, breathed, acted, made mistakes, cried, loved, worked- he’s just like me. A person living life. It really gives me pause when I think about all of the people I see in a day and never meet. They are all people with stories. Who knows what we have in common, or not. How small we are. I know them as Red Car, Stupid Van, Jeep, Scion (tC!)- but all are driven by people. And at that moment in time, we were all heading the same way, our stories converging, but not meeting.

Have you ever thought about panties?

Knickers. Undies. Satin, silk, cotton, lycra, edible, lace.

My favorite pair was red with lace trim and a keyhole and a bow in back. They were comfortable and made me feel confident and sexy. I’m not quite sure where they ended up.* (not that they’d fit now anyway)

What do panties say about the wearer?

Our culture seems to segregate and stereotype based on a woman’s preference. If you like cotton, full-coverage briefs you wear granny panties and get categorized as an asexual being. But, please recall Bridget Jones pair of enormous stomach holding in panties that not only got her laid, but actually seemed to be a turn-on for her partner. I think nowadays we think of the granny panties as the one week a month staple. But these are the classic panty, much like the “tighty whitey” for men. Use in moderation.

Conversely, the thong is for “loose” girls. They scream voyeurism and wreak of sexual desire and experience. That’s probably why I freaked out when my 12 year old cousin bought a pair. It seemed like she was being sexualized far too young. (yes, I’ve read Lolita.) Truly, the thong is a fashion necessity. There are just certain garments that require you wear a thong to reduce pantyline exposure. I think most women find these uncomfortable because they buy the wrong size, which creates the butt-floss issues. *shiver*

See Panties Here
*likely a victim of the washer or dryer