Tremendous Blondette

Reviewing pictures from the month long festival of wedding activities for Beth and Brian I see two things: 1) my hair is very blonde and I like it 2) I’ve definitely gained some weight over the past 2 years and I don’t like it.

Both are topics that I’ve written about a *few* times and they will probably always be points of focus in my life.

I’m also giving major thought to what to do about my increased size in photographs. I know full well that I’m capable of eating healthfully and working out regularly. I have not yet successfully merged eating healthy, working out regularly and working full time (okay, more than full time).

I seem to be capable of only 2 of these things at once. Sad. In fact, I’ve lately become so sad about this and the state of my singlehood that I have started to seriously contemplate things that I would never have previously considered.

See, I blame my singlehood on my weight and I think it’s valid to a large (hahahaha) extent. Let’s be honest folks, a size 18 is not most men’s dream woman. Sure, I have a pretty face (attached to a big round stomach), and I’m funny and smart (with flabby white thighs) but most folks aren’t going to find about about the rest until they have a hook to talk to you. And that hook is usually physical. I have backfat and a belly which often negates a lively smile and fetching eyes. Oh yes, and there’s that small fact of how I feel about myself.

Maybe that’s part of why I’ve become so focused on being blonde and counting that as a definition of who I am. (though I did decide to reintroduce some brown into my hair and decrease the degree of blonde.)

My most frequently complimented feature is my eyes. (are my eyes? grammar freaks help me out) They’re lovely and blue.

Now, let’s also not negate the fact that I just don’t socialize that much. I don’t like to “hang out” many places. I’m not into the bar scene (any more- I’m reformed.) I don’t do a lot. I like to go home after work and unwind. Or work some more. Is it avoidance? Yeah, probably somewhat.

Some of us just really have to be alone for a prolonged period to feel okay. Those who derive their energy and homestatisness from being social and engaging with people sometimes do not understand the introverts need to be alone. It’s not that we don’t like being social. But sometimes we just really need a good few days of not focusing on other people and being penetrated by their thoughts, desires, and needs.

Anyhow, I find myself very aware of myself and very aware of my age. The two are really starting to hit that point of no return. I’m basically losing time to make the changes that need to be made in order to meet my goals in life. The choices are mine to make. The power is mine.

Game on.

So there are things that no one ever tells you how to do-you just have to figure them out by living and experiencing. Neat. Tonight, my quest was figuring out how personal property tax is calculated and the process associated. I never had anything to claim until I bought a car in my name so I never knew much about the process other than my parents paid a tax bill every year.

The whole car situation has me wanting to get a jump on the entire real estate ownership process. I know nothing and that ignorance doesn’t get you anywhere with the government. They just assess you late fees.

It’s almost 2am and I can’t sleep which is why you are getting this ramblely post about property tax.

Here’s what I learned:
Property taxes are divided into two types, real and personal, and under each are different assessments. Property tax is assessed based on the county in which you lived January 1st of the year. If you move out of state you don’t get prorated. (this is for those living in Missouri)

I currently live in Platte County, Missouri and I managed to find the rates online. http://www.co.platte.mo.us/docs/assessor/faq.html

Apparently, you can roll your real estate property tax in at escrow and it’s just in your monthly mortgage payment or something like that.

Now, if move out of Platte County, I will have to research all of this for that new county. Joy.

In just over a week, my high school graduating class will hold their 10 year reunion. I will not be attending. Interestingly enough, I’ve been friended on Facebook by several former classmates, and really, that’s good enough for me.

I don’t really like the idea of facing the reunion alone. I wasn’t popular. I was smart, quiet, fat, extremely self-conscious, a little crazy, and just didn’t get into all of the typical high school things. Oh, and I was in the band. I was not an extreme loser, but I was definitely a non-entity on the social radar.

Parties? only if they were sleepovers where we talked about boys, watched movies, and ate treats.

Boyfriends? Only in my diary.

The only good thing about this reunion is realizing that 10 years later, I’m not the same person I was back in high school. I have a successful career, loads more social skills, and a much stronger sense of worth.

I will admit to e-stalking the reunion profiles to see who’s married, who has kids, who has a shitty job, who has a better job than me, and just other general “where are they now.”  Granted, I’ve gotten some of that info from the phenomenon that is Facebook, but it’s still interesting.

Overall, I think I’m doing alright. After all, I was in a magazine- how many of them can say that?

AHHHHHH!

that is all.

How many times have you been asked to describe yourself? Whether it be in a social networking profile, a dating site, a job interview, a date, a test, or a crappy ice-breaking session.

Choose. Choice. What you are. Who you are. What you do.

It all adds up to the definition of you.

I define myself by work. Cats. Alone. Funny. Blonde.

You’re given a certain number of words or characters to describe yourself-

For example here’s my “definition of me” on Twitter:
Fruitcake with Nice Frosting; Internet Marketer, Former-Vegan, Cat Owner; Blogger

Too many people, too much conversation, a little tired, and an uncomfortable chair.

OH, coffee shop. I cannot focus when you are lively.

We escape into ourselves. It’s as simple as a familiar movie or book. For years, my movie was Meet Me in St. Louis. Whenever I watched it I felt a little bit more like the person I wanted to be…and maybe was.

Comfort food is eaten to ease stress and gain a sense of home. But, the idea is not confined to food. No, it is the movies we watch repeatedly, it is the tv series that we watch start to finish and start to finish, it is the books we re-read and the traditional tv program viewing.

• The West Wing
• The Family Stone
• Pride and Prejudice
• The Wedding Date
• Felicity
• Harry Potter (books and movies)

When I was little I had a pink stuffed bunny. She started out as an Easter basket but I loved and hugged her so much that I broke off her white, plastic handle. Her pink faded and greyed, her stuffing shifted and bunched, but I still loved her. I left her on a Greyhound bus once and the driver left us (somewhere in Utah) and I felt like a piece of me was gone. I was 5 and she was my armor. When I clung to her I felt safe.

I cling to books, movies, and tv shows. These things give me hope, energy, joy, nostalgia, heartache. From the dysfunctional, yet united family home of The Family Stone to the witty world of the West Wing I find a piece of myself. I find the holiday homemaker and sense of home and roots; I find the driven world of career and intellectual stimulation; I find a girl independant and looking for love; I find imagination.

Restless contentment – just hit “play.”

I was a college graduate! One of the girls from my college dorm, Kentwood, and a fellow English major posted this picture on Facebook. Funny, I don’t have that many pictures from my college graduation.

Katie Graduates College in 2004

I’ve written about my college graduation day before. I woke up to a partially packed single dorm room in what was the best dorm I ever lived in. I don’t remember much about the day. I know I sat at my desk and did something on the computer. I know I listened to “Hallelujah” on repeat. I know that I showed up (yes, I showed up which was on the fence about) and stood in my line with the rest of the graduates. In that line, I ended up with one of the girls who lived on my floor my first year of college. Interesting that we started together and ended together. (She’s married with a little son now.) Things I remember about her: she knew my roommate at the time wasn’t to be trusted (she was right.) She knew I had a bit of suppressed wild side. (she was right) So, it was fitting that we ended up sitting next to each other at graduation. I chewed gum even though we were directed that it was “against the rules.” I spontaneously broke out into Jingle Bells. And at some point, I walked across the stage.

Somewhere in all of this we ate lunch and moved me out of my dorm (I do remember scrubbing the bathroom floor on my hands and knees) and home to Kansas City. The next day, we had a family party at my aunt and uncle’s house.

Funny, I don’t hate the picture; in fact, I kind of like it. And it reinforces my desire to grow my hair out again. Don’t worry, I’m gonna stick with blonde.

As she sat on her couch and stared out at the newly dark night, she couldn’t help but think how quickly darkness had come. Only 15 minutes earlier, she’d walked in from the dusky evening with three weeks worth of mail in her arms. Okay, maybe four weeks. After sorting between trash, things to burn (bills), and expired coupons, she was once again without motivation to do anything productive. Around her chaos in the form of cat debris, shoes, and unorganized junk taunt her. “Pick me up! Throw me way! Vacuum me!” the chaos screams. She just turns away and stares out at the ink colored leaves.

She is tired; mentally, emotionally, and physically. The physical tiredness is mainly due to the mental and emotional marathon she’s been running and despite the 5 hour nap she took that day.

“Why am I anxious?” she says aloud to herself (and her Twitter account.)

“How am I going to make my clients happy? How am I going to make my department productive, efficient, proud, and happy- without them hating me? How am I going to make my bosses happy and still maintain my dignity and assert myself  and show that I am in control? How am I going to lose this weight? How am I going to feel if I never hear anything? Is everything going okay with the Springfield Leas’s and home construction with Dad? When can I take some time off and will I feel better if I do? Am I going to be able to save enough money for a down payment? Will I find a house that I want to buy? Did I choose money and power over health and family? How will it all turn out?”

From the outside, she’s a girl staring out a window.