Tremendous Blondette

Saturday, August 23rd, 2008

I am the center of the universe.

Here’s why:
My day started with coffee and a trip to Weston. I managed to knit an entire 2 rows of my scarf (yay me!) and attempted to fix an iPod issue, but failed. (boo me) I was informed that I knit incorrectly, but I think it’s charming. My items stay together, so that’s really all that matters. Free-style knitting is the way to go. We had lovely girlie conversation, watched creepy synchronized swimming, ate a delicious breakfast, and chugged coffee–wait, I was the only one chugging the coffee. (I just realized this Saturday is my Saturday to host the group! I need to come up with a breakfast idea! Suggestions will be taken seriously. Last time I made Cheesecake Pumpkin Muffins–basically pumpkin muffins with a cheesecake-like center. They were de-light-ful. Of course, I’ll have freshly ground coffee- yes, I grind my own beans!)

I went home and continued the excitement-train by cleaning my kitchen. Stay with me because this really does get more interesting than knitting and cleaning.

But not yet.

After cleaning the litter box (uh huh) and vacuuming I made myself presentable to the public and headed out to Zona Rosa to meet several of my friends for our evening plans. After some nifty shopping (sale at Bath & Body Works woo! and Old Navy gave me a crafting idea that I may follow through with simply because I couldn’t make a decision), we headed to dinner.

As we were eating dinner (Chinese Please!) we noticed a group of men in Top Gun t shirts. Gee, I wonder what the deal is?! We enjoyed the swarm for a moment and then moved on to a new topic. While I don’t remember specifics, I do remember having a great time and something to do with princesses.

To wrap up the dinner portion of my story, we opened our fortune cookies. Oh mysterious cookie! Oh wise confection! Tell me what is my fortune!

“Investigate new possibilities with friends. Now is the time!”

Ask anyone who was with me that night, I was on my game. I was vivacious, vibrant, and hilarious. No one doubted that anything interesting that was happening was because of me. Like the Sun, I was the center of gravity. (did I just call myself fat?)

Level of interest rising yet?

On the way out of the restaurant, who do you think we saw? Yes, it was the Top Gun group. “There is a story here!” I thought. “I must know why they are all wearing Top Gun shirts.” Slider has greased back hair, Wolfman is wolfy (awoooo werewolves of London! awhoooo!) and the rest are sorta hot. Hellooooooooo, gentlemen! Who wants to take me to new heights?

I was determined to ask them why they were wearing the shirts. I skipped along excitedly as we followed them to the parking garage (we were going to drop off shopping bags, not stalking thankyouverymuch) where they took the stairs down and I lost my shot at satisfaction. Or did I?

As the Top Gun crew loaded into their chariot–a white, 15 passenger van–we heard music start up.

Revvin’ up your engine
Listen to her howlin’ roar
Metal under tension
Beggin’ you to touch and go

Highway to the Danger Zone
Ride into the Danger Zone

If you got a random text message or two from me that made absolutely no sense but seemed to contain crappy lyrics, here’s your reason why. Our night became all about the Top Gun boys. (Why is Kenny Loggins responsible for more than one song on the Top Gun soundtrack?)

As we walked into the bar at the Majestic, I turned to my friends and said “It’s really quiet in here. I’m the loudest person in this room.” And then I promptly began singing “You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your liiiipsss.” It was somewhere around this point when I decided I’d missed my opportunity with the Top Gun boys, but I wasn’t going to miss my opportunities to make the night interesting or draw attention to myself. Yes, I made it my goal to be noticed by the comedians we were there to see that night. I’m just as funny as they are. (yes I am dammit.)

There is a part of me that is a performer and she was ready for a show. After some great one-liners in the line-standing process (this post was nearly called Katie Waits in Line: A Story of Survival or something silly that I thought was really clever at the time) we were seated…front and center. The MC and opening act finished their sets, then the opener for the headliner came out. This gentleman was from the South and made me laugh in earnest, but I was just biding my time until I could make my move. Finally, toward the end of his set, the opportunity presented itself and I swooped into action.

“So I’m at the park with Chewy,” he began.

“Use his full name!” I chanted. (yay me!)

“Last time I checked I wasn’t married to you. ..(other stuff I dont’ remember exactly that he said to me in response to my comment),” returned the comedian.

I WAS AWESOME!

Soon after, the headliner, Ralphie May, took the stage. First, homeboy was HIGH. Like whoa. You cannot blame that on a bum leg Ralphie. We all know you enjoy the pot and your eyes do not turn that color or take on that appearance because of a sore leg. Once he warmed up and got in the groove, things improved. (yeah, sorry but he started slow–though I guess in some cases that’s not bad -know what I mean? wink wink–please tell me you heard the accent on that.)

My recent fame fading, I waited for an opportunity to make myself Ralphie’s new favorite fan. I’m funny enough to hang and hold my own with comedians. Sadly, Ralphie’s become really good at ignoring the audience unless you’re a crazy drunk girl who makes no sense when loudly blurting out non-sense. (not talking about me)

Seredipity was on our side though. Not only did Ralphie May mention Tom Cruise in his routine, but he also made a Top Gun reference. The circle was complete. I was fulfilled.

Long story short? I’m pretty special. Saturday was fun. And the Majestic makes really weak drinks because all of that stuff I just told you about? I was sober.