Tremendous Blondette

About 5 times per day, I think, “I should blog about that” and begin composing in my head. Most of the time, those thought out posts never get typed up and published. It’s been a while since I posted anything of true substance. There’s been a lot of whining, pleas for understanding and acceptance, and attempts at cheer.

Sometimes, those five things aren’t really five things for blogging–sometimes they are poetry, one or two lines of beautiful prose, witty retorts, mindful observations, expressions of the beauty that is held in each moment. I am nearly always composing something. The quilt sewn of thoughtful emotion is omnipresent, warm and hypnotic.

I also admit that I use my blog to express to people how I feel without ever having to speak directly to them and say “this is how I feel” or “this is who I am and I want you to be engaged.” I want people to have the chance to know me aside from the quiet, bawdy, witty, sweet, giggly, lascivious, workaholic, flawed, immature/mature, impish person I am. I want people to accept me. But, I also have this desire to be scolded and punished. I think it is why I sometimes tempt fate or push limits. I want to be hurt. I seek out people and situations that will make me feel guilty, ashamed, deflated, stupid, and childish. Or maybe I’m just Catholic. (and Irish)

Should I stop writing such posts about myself? (but really, aren’t all my posts somehow about me?) It may be time to stick with current events, books, and movies. (and the occasional cat or alpaca post.) Do people really need to read about me? (but, they do read my blog. and what else would they be reading on my blog? not CNN.)

Even in my non-fiction, I have no real plot. This amuses me. My biggest problem with writing fiction has always been creating a full plot–I can never decide on a middle or an ending. Maybe this carries over to my own life. I can develop characters and write scenes, but I can never quite decide how they all fit into a storyline.

So, Readership (if I still have a readership), your writer implores you to vote:

1. keep blogging (no more tonight–I should sleep)
2. pack up the laptop (trick’s on you–I have a desktop too!)
3. keep smiling, shining (my psychic friends tell me they have a feeling about this one)

You should know, Readership, as you vote, that I have a “You Might Be Katie Leas If” post in the works. (they’re generally extemporaneous with a sprinkling of premeditation.)