Tremendous Blondette

What we know about ourselves and what we discover everyday, hmm. Hefty. Under the weight of life we sometimes lose perspective and forget that there is more than one thing that makes our lives good or bad. Some days, it’s simply sharing with another person that opens the road to discovery.

I learn new things about myself on a daily basis. I tend to think in a circular fashion. Reason, rationalize, and explain every thought, passion, or opinion. Quite interesting for someone so driven by feeling. I know I over analyze. But that ability to dissect is such an asset in my career. Rolling situations around and feeling each edge–looking for the jagged or the smooth spot–the soft spot..mmm. Sort of sucks in most other areas of life though. Six months to buy a coffee table, people.

Why does it have to be so hard for us to find our paths sometimes? I can honestly say, I know exactly what I want in life. Am I afraid to say it? yes, sometimes. But, where is my path? How do I attain and achieve?

I spend much of my thought time trying to find the truth in things. Usually, I end up finding several truths. Is that because I don’t always want to believe that the truth is indeed the truth? Not necessarily. But if you read yesterday’s post you know I have a childlike (though stupid) sense of hope. I know. I should be more “realistic.” But what does that get me? A life without fantasy? A life devoid of anticipation and joy? No thank you. That said, I’m still a practical person. I’m lofty–head in the clouds, heart on my sleeve, giggle in my throat, but I’m still down-to-earth.

I want to be expressive, not repressed. I want to be free, not restrained. I want to explore, not settle. I want. and that is okay. I want.

I need.

Sometimes it is merely in writing something that I discover myself–giving words to feelings unthought and unspoken, unconscious.

Keep in mind I’ve been up since 5am, at work since 6:30am and only got out of meetings about an hour and a half ago. (it’s 6:15ish now) Oh Monday! You wild and crazy day! I finally got back to my desk to make revisions on some reports and hurried to get them proofed. And now, as I sit here and take a minute to breathe and just type, type, type, I feel exhausted. It’s amazing how adrenaline can carry you.

“It starts in my toes
and I crinkle my nose
where ever it goes i always know
that you make me smile
please stay for a while now
just take your time
where ever you go “