Tale One: Sarah and the Kittah
Once upon a time there was a girl named Sarah. She lived in a recently converted building. There were many fire alarms. False fire alarms. One night a fireman told her about a kitten. Oh sweet little kittah! It needed a new home. You see, the fireman was so busy fighting fires and being called to false alarms that he could not give his kitty the attention it required. He felt much guilt. MUCH. Everyone knows you must play with your kitty. Pet it and love it and feed it and it will ignore you and love you alternately.
Sarah was a bit lonely all alone in her apartment. Why, she could give the kitty a loving home! How purrfect! So, the next day, to the firehouse she walked. Busy fireman had told her he would bring sweet little kittah to the fire station so Sarah could meet her.
Sweet little kittah was a lovely white ball of fur. Sarah said, “yes, I will take her home and she will be my new roommate!” Now Sarah found herself with a kitty and all the kitty fixins (litter pan, food, food dishes, etc.) But Sarah had walked to the firehouse! How ever would she carry all the accessories, and of course sweet little kittah, home?!
Fear not, for there was no fire (or false alarm at the time) so big red fire truck was still at the station! and so were job-on-the-side firemen! Thus, the helpful firemen loaded Sarah and sweet little kittah aboard the firetruck and shuttled them home. They even helped carry all accessories up to the apartment!
And a new family was born.
Sweet Little Kittah (aka Stella) may look something like this:
Phil and the Dog Poo
There was a man named Phil. One Friday night he went to his office to work. He brought his dog, Henry.
Phil worked worked worked and when he came out to check on Henry, what did he behold? A pile of poo. Oh no! Yes, Henry had pooed on the floor at work.
Phil bagged the poo and cleaned the afflicted territory. As he was cleaning, Henry did the unthinkable. He let loose his lizard. Yes, Henry peed on the floor.
Fie! thought Phil! Fie fie fie! So, Phil cleaned the newly afflicted territory.
As Phil was getting ready to leave the office with his plastic baggie of poo and pee (which was quite smelly) he spied an alarming sight! Henry had pooed again! A-GAIN! (think Canadian pronunciation here. I forgot to tell you this story is set in Canada, eh?)
Oh Henry!
How many kumquat stories can one girl have?
My first experience with the elusive kumquat fruit was in second grade on the playground of my school. A classmate dared me to eat one off the ground. So, I did. True story.
My second exerience with the kumquat ocurred at my freshman college orientation. They put us in groups and made us do everything all day together. They had an icebreaker session where they broke us into groups. Our job was to assign each group member a fruit. A passion fruit, a something-else, and a kumquat. I do not remember what the point was. There cannot be a good one. I just remember that they made me the kumquat.
A few facts about kumquats (also spelled cumquats)
- originally from China
- in season from late-autumn to midwinter
- eat raw, candied, or as jelly
- A cross between a Lime and a Kumquat is a Limequat
- A cross between an Orange and a Kumquat is an Orangequat
Kumquats are so exciting that the New York Times published an article about them! They are famous. (but not as famous as me.)
Bonus Quote!
I just found this quote and didn’t want to forget it, so here you go.
“Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.”
— Marcus Aurelius
Oregon doesn’t suck either.
I used to see this from my town.
I used to fish here with my dad.
Not in Oregon, but close. Been here too.
